Can't Sleep

Who knows why, but I can't sleep even though I should be tired because this weekend has been filled with pangea bed sleepover movie marathons.  Holy moly I love pangea, but it definitely drains the sleep from one's body.

Kinda some more of what has been on my mind.  I know I said that not worrying about boys is the best ever, but I wouldn't necessarily call this "worrying."  To fill anyone in:  I'm pretty positive that I'm in love with Andrew.  Some people might say that it's just because I'm far away and never get to see him and talking to him is a rare occasion as well.  But I can honestly say that I've never felt this way about anybody else, and can't imagine feeling this way about anybody else.  He's the guy who gives me butterflies and makes me smile so huge my face hurts.  We can talk and it just feels easy and comfortable.  I think about him all the time.  He just feels right.  There's no other way to explain it.  Call me crazy or stupid, but I guess that's what love is:  crazy and stupid.  I don't care though.  It is what is is, and that's how I feel.  I only wish that I could tell him!  I would feel so stupid to text him, and a call just wouldn't be right either.  We've gotta be in person, but I don't know when that will happen.  I'll be home in a little over a week from school.  I hope and pray we can get together, but I'm afraid that when it really comes down to it, I'll chicken out and won't say a thing.  I'm such a wimp like that.  It's only because I'm afraid of getting hurt though.  In the end I want to be friends with him, even if he doesn't love or even like me in the slightest romantic way possible.

Earlier this week I mentioned that Mitch had gotten engaged.  I was pretty upset/frustrated about that.  Here's the thing though, I thought about if it had been Andrew getting engaged, and if that had happened, I would have been devastated, an absolute wreck.  I couldn't imagine myself going to his reception, because I would probably just bawl my eyes out the whole time and make a complete fool out of myself.

Is that crazy?  Is it crazy that I should feel like I need to be with him forever?  Maybe.  But that's just what it's going to be for now.



Side story:  Almost a year ago my brother got home from his mission.  I thought it would be funny to pretend to be engaged.  I was just going to get a ring and then make up some person, but Andrew decided to go along with the prank too.  So when my brother finally noticed that I had this huge nasty glitzy diamond on my finger and I had told him who I was engaged to, he gave me the biggest hug and said "I have the best brother in law EVER!"  Andrew and my brother are best friends, that's how I met Andrew in the first place.  But I can only imagine if that were true.  One day, maybe.

This was when I told him.

After this my mom said I needed to tell the truth because she couldn't stand to see my brother so happy.